P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
