I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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