yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
