You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
