I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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