Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
