My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
