well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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