I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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