a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
why do cheetos always look like penises
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
