Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
