I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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