you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
handjob tips. give me some.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
