That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
