xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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