it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
