considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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