great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
