My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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