awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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