I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
