just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
