I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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