Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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