I want to walk on stilts...naked
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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