It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
