He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
