I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
