Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
