so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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