Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
