dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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