I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
