Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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