we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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