put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
