that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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