What did we do last night that was yellow?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
