It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize