Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize