I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
