So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The air was thick with penises
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
