I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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