I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He shit in the fireplace
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
