At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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