I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
