So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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