We won't sleep together?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You ruined the universe
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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