Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
