Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
