hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
