I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
