Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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