dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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