Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A+ Viking dick
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