she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
