dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
