you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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