so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
