it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
