Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
