operation have a gay friend backfired
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
