1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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