I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
