so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
