so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
