I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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