Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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