i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
