Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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