he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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