So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
